Fruitful Tragedies
by extraordinaire
Summary: SASUSAKU ONESHOT. "Salmonella-Poisoned-Tomatoes". Sasuke's three most feared words. But not as terrible as "No-Tomatoes-Sold". What ever shall Sasuke do? I'm sure Sakura can help.


_**Fruitful Tragedies**_

* * *

_Tomatoes_ **plus** _SasuSaku_ **equals** _eternal love_

* * *

Sasuke Uchiha was mad.

Wait, no that would be a total _understatement_.

Sasuke Uchiha was _livid_.

As in, the next person who even _thought_ of talking to him would be killed in an instant.

That's why no one dared to even _think_ _about_ _thinking_ _about_ talking to him when they felt the killing aura coming off of him as he walked past pedestrians.

And if that wasn't enough, it was the grim scowl found on his face.

Sasuke Uchiha was pissed off and _man_ was he _not_ afraid to show it.

But what _else_ is new?

It's almost the way of life.

Sasuke gets mad over something really trivial (but the whole family-slaughtering thing was acceptable as a valid reason to be ticked), Naruto makes fun (which results in said ramen-loving boy getting severely hurt), Kakashi sighs and mutters something along the lines of the improper and humorous ways of the youth (he _has_ been spending an awful lot of time with Gai these days) and Sakura–

Well, Sakura would just be there.

And somehow, that was enough for Sasuke, in his totally avenger slash angst-ish kind of way he had about him.

She was the closest to love (_and future Uchiha babies_) he was going to have and he was appreciative of that.

But surprisingly (and _scarily_) Sakura wouldn't be able to help the angered Uchiha today.

Something so incredibly horrid must have happened for Sakura _not_ to be able to console him and his hatred against _Kami-sama-knows-what_.

Sasuke can get mad over _anything_.

And when _anything_ is said, _anything_ is _meant_.

Like Naruto getting a little ramen broth on Sasuke's neat and tidy white pants (and yes, the ass-bow is _long_ dead and gone).

Or Kakashi showing up late for training again (even though it's a regular occurrence).

Or sending poor Kiba into the hospital for having his hand linger on Sakura's arm a little longer than he's _apparently_ supposed to.

But the aforementioned is someone reasonable, so we can overlook that one.

It isn't every day you see a jealous-raged Sasuke.

But today would not be suited because of envy, or even something akin to it.

It was something so incredibly serious that if looks could kill, Naruto would have died a while ago, Kiba would be in the hospital more often, and the poor little kid that just glanced at the frustrated teenager would be screaming for his mommy (well, _more_ than he is now anyways

–_Uchiha Death Glares_ are _frightening_, so keep small children away).

Once Sakura had heard from Shizune that a fury-filled Sasuke was out on the loose and scaring precious children, Tsunade quickly let her go on a break.

They didn't need a reenactment of what had happened years back with snake-dudes and benches. Sakura's heart –_ and the well-being of Konoha_ – wouldn't be able to handle it.

It didn't take long for Sakura to get to Sasuke. Yes, she did stop for a quick conversation with Kiba and a few waves from some patients, but she did get there in pristine condition.

"Sasuke-kun?" She asked from behind him, politely tapping him on the shoulder. He turned around, for he knew that it was Sakura.

She smiled her best as waited for him to respond.

And when he didn't, she offered, "How are you this morning?"

He gave her the meanest look she's received in a while, as if she asked the most simple question in the world. When Sasuke was pissed, everyone knew it. He wasn't an idiot and he knew why Sakura was here.

Sakura ran her hand through her hair. "Look, Sasuke-kun, if this is about Kiba taking me out to dinner last night, then–"

"He did what?" Sasuke bit out and Sakura smiled coyly. She was messing with him, but he didn't know it. She just needed to talk to him. Then she could go and hide Kiba.

She clasped her hands behind her back innocently. "And I'd love to tell you all about it, so you can go and, um, find Kiba and have a lovely conversation, but first I'd love to know why you've been scaring off little children."

"It's not my fault they looked at me."

"Well who wouldn't want to look at _you_?"

Sasuke glare slightly lessened. It wasn't a smirk, but some hint of amusement was found and Sakura knew that she was advancing in her quest to find the reason behind his rage.

She took his hand in hers and rocked it back and forth. Sasuke let her because, well, she's Sakura and the dwelling of his Uchiha babies and he _sortakindamaybe_ likes her with all his heart and soul.

That or he _really_ wants those babies.

And he's convinced that she will _never_ harbor any Inuzuka babies. _Ever_.

"Sasuke-kun, why are you so upset?"

And she even used the puppy eyes. _And_ the pout. _And_ squeezed his hand more for some added effect.

"Is it something _Sakura-chan_ could fix?"

And now she's using herself in third person, adding an even more – _dare_ _he_ _say_ – cute appeal to her.

But he knew that now was no time to flirt (_could he even call it that?_) with her. It was a serious time that deserved some serious mourning and maybe some angst that shall quickly be solved by training.

Or a kiss.

But probably the training since hormones (or _smooching_) aren't exactly Sasuke's forte.

"Fine, if you won't tell me, then I'll have to force you to come to my house and let me make you a tomato–"

Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks as she did the same. She looked up confused.

"Sasuke-kun?"

"You have tomatoes?"

"Well, I was going to go shopping for them today. Would you like to join me, because I know how much you–"

Sasuke shot her a sharp look, immediately shutting her up. "They don't have any."

Sakura _almost_ laughed. Really, she did. But with the sincerity in Sasuke's eyes and the way he didn't look amused, she shook her head remorsefully.

"And why ever not Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke shrugged irritably. "The stand owner said something about salmonella."

"Ah, yes, the salmonella poisoning that is apparently in the tomatoes or something. A scare I presume."

Sasuke's glare became fiercer, if that was even possible. "You _knew_ and you didn't _tell_ _me_."

"Well, ugh, Sasuke-kun, I, um, you know. What the hell? It's not that big of a deal."

"Yes it is!" Sasuke almost (_almost_ people – don't get _too_ excited) screamed in her face.

She pulled at her hair. "Kami-sama Sasuke! There are _a_ _lot_ better things in this world that that _fruit_ that you practically _worship_! And those things don't involve _salmonella_ or poor little kids _peeing_ _their_ _pants_!"

"And what the hell would _this_ be?"

Sakura mustered a glare of her own before doing it.

She really had no choice.

He was too naïve for his own good. And innocent. And stupid. And ignorant.

_(the list goes on…)_

But she _obviously_ had to make the first move or his second goal would never be completed.

And he'd be whining over his tomato-less life till this stupid scare was over.

Somehow, though, it was okay with Sasuke.

And with the tomato-like lips planted upon his at the moment, he realized that doing this was a lot better than eating. Or doing anything else for that matter.

But maybe _not_ as entertaining as kicking that dog-loving boy's ass…

* * *

**I don't even know. Don't ask. I was just sitting in Cracker Barrel today and they didn't serve tomatoes and I asked my mommy why and this is apparently the answer. I instantly thought of Sasuke and his love of tomatoes. So, yeah, here we are today. **

**I actually don't like tomatoes, so I'm good. But anyways, yeah, for all you who do, I hope you can eat them soon (and if you are brave enough to eat them, then I hope you don't get salmonella!) **

**(I wrote this in a half an hour and it's going on three in the morning, so if there are any spelling mistakes, pray tell)**


End file.
